


Never let me go

by Helene08



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:00:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helene08/pseuds/Helene08
Summary: When Alec made all this insides jokes about Magnus box of momentos it was mostly sarcastic, to hide the fact that he was terrified, to broke Magnus completely once he will be gone. He never expected that he will need to start his own box of mementos about Magnus and their relationship as well.Lilith hires a Warlock to cast a spell on Magnus and Alec during a mission. A spell that makes Alec forget all the moments they shared together every time they're near each other.As Alec memories of Magnus slowly fades away, a race through time start while both of them tries to find a way to bring back those memories before their love ends in ashes .But then they seems to always find their way back to each other.Is Magnus and Alec love is strong enough to overcome one of their biggest obstacles?





	Never let me go

**Author's Note:**

> Wow after almost one month and half it is finally ready to be posted, I can't believe I wrote that between all my finals exams and also as I was writing another fic for this fandom but here we go. 
> 
> I want to say a huge thank you to my first beta Always Dream719, she really helped me to correct the first chapter so it could flow more naturally, she actually send me a PM on ff.net to beta my works and I'm was really touched by her gesture.
> 
> I honestly thought that nobody will be interested enough in my works to even thinking of beta-ing them.  
> So I can't thank her enough. 
> 
> [Also I want to throw an huge shout out to my second beta ](https://lavamamma.tumblr.com/), honestly I wouldn't have this result without her and all our exchanges on Tumblr (especially with all my annoying rambling about this work and the over use of the same words in the text too) so an huge thank you to her as well.
> 
> The both of them were truly so sweet and a gift during all this horrible process of writing the first chapter of this very-short new story. 
> 
> Finally, Shadowhunters and anything recognizable doesn't belong to me but to all their owners.

_"Well maybe you should put this in your little box when I’m be gone."_

Alec sat in his office and sighed, rubbing his eyes. His shoulders were hunched, his body tense. The Head of Institute had been staring at the same page for the last five hours, but in the end, he found himself staring at his tablet in a blank, unfocused stare.

It really felt like he and Magnus were going in circles with each other since their fight about him moving in.

Or about Magnus’ box of mementos of all his ex-lovers.

The box put a pressure into their relationship that wasn’t there before.

_\--_

_Alec and Magnus were both sitting at the kitchen table enjoying their morning together. Magnus took a bit of the toast in his mouth and found himself pleasantly surprised._

“ _Wow, Alexander, your French toast is really, really good.”_

_Alec took a sip of his coffee._ “ _Well, then maybe you could put the spatula I used in your little box,” he said dryly._

_Magnus looked at him and said softly,_ “ _Look, Alec, if my box is a problem for you, maybe we should talk about it.”_

_Alec shook his head._ “ _I just can’t stomach the idea that one day I will be old and frail and that I will just turn out to be a burden for you.”_

_Magnus raised his eyebrows like the idea itself was ridiculous, and maybe it was._

“ _There is no universe where you would be a burden to me.”_

_Alec snorted, glancing at Magnus and said_ “ _You’re saying that now, but even if you stay with me, what you have left of me will be in your little box.”_

_Magnus forced himself to not let the hurt show. He schooled his features._ “ _Alexander-” he stopped himself and just sighed._

_Alec knew that he could have left it there and just enjoyed their morning together. But Alec had always repressed his feelings, and now that he knew what it felt like to freely express them, he couldn’t bring himself to let this go._

“ _I’m not a child, Magnus. Whatever you have to say to me, I can take it.”_

_Magnus sighed._

“ _Maybe you're acting like this because you haven’t had any other relationships before me.”_

_Alec snorted._ “ _So, what? Do I need to sleep with random guys to understand the situation we’re in now?”_

_The warlock raised his hand in defense,_ “ _Okay, now you’re putting words in my mouth.”_

“ _Really?” snapped Alec,_ “ _Because I distinctly heard you say that I’m acting like a child because of my inexperience.”_

_Magnus frowned._ “ _I didn’t mean it like that.” After a while, he added with a sigh,_ “ _Can’t we just go back to eating your amazing French toast?”_

_Alec shook his head, getting up from his chair._

“ _I’ve lost my appetite,” he said, voice cold._

_Before Magnus could say anything else, the Shadowhunter was gone._

 

\--

Alec shook his head, forcing himself to come back to reality and put the tablet he was holding on his desk with a tired sigh.

It had been a couple of nights since he had slept at their home-rather, _Magnus_ _’ loft_ ...he really missed his boyfriend’s presence next to him.

Sleeping in the Institute wasn't as warm or comforting as sleeping next to his handsome and magical boyfriend, no matter how the warm the headquarters were.

The Shadowhunters of New York preferred to have the heat as high as it would go in the Institute because of the biting cold of the city.

Still, Alec didn’t feel like the Institute was his home anymore.

It didn’t feel like home since he’d met Magnus.

The dark-haired man tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing by giving his boyfriend some _space_. He had been so overwhelmed by his love for Magnus, by the fact that, for once, he could finally be himself, that he had forgotten to slow down, and really think about their future together.

About the fact that he was a _mortal_ , a Shadowhunter, and that he was dating an _immortal_ warlock.

He had forgotten how different they were.

Now it was all he could think about.

That someday, his life would end and he would leave a heartbroken Magnus behind.

Alec had never thought about it before, because, when he was with Magnus, time seemed to still and somehow, he felt that it was only the two of them who were left in the whole world. Like they were in a bubble and nothing else mattered other than the feeling of having Magnus in his arms.

Having the chance to hold Magnus in his arms was more thrilling and exciting than anything he ever done in his life.

Every time he holds Magnus in his arms, he can’t help but feel the same excitement he had felt when he received his very first rune as a Shadowhunter...the same thrill he had felt when he was asked to choose his _signature weapon_ to fight against evil... the attraction to the bow and arrows that seemed to define him as his own person... not a Lightwood, or even a Shadowhunter, but just Alec.

In a way choosing to risk everything to be with Magnus had defined and shaped him as a person as well.

Alec felt like that maybe he was born to fall in love with Magnus in every universe….

It was like they were meant to find their way back to each other no matter what.

He felt _lighter_ , _happier_ and _less guarded_ around Magnus.

But more importantly, being with Magnus just felt _right_.

Until the outside world came and interrupted them, of course... until that bubble was burst in an unbelievably cruel way

A ping from his phone interrupted his train of thought. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that it was a text from Magnus.

_[9.58 PM] Are you coming home tonight?_

Alec couldn’t help but snort at this. He’d also never realized that he’d always referred to Magnus’s loft as _home_. It had seemed _so natural, so normal_ , that Alec hadn’t thought more of it.

The head of the New-York Institute sighed, and typed out a quick reply to Magnus.

_[10.01 PM] Sorry, not tonight. Got stuck with a lot of work and will probably sleep at the Institute._

It took less than a minute for Magnus to reply. Alec felt guilt begin to claw at him for avoiding his boyfriend like that.

_[10.02 PM] Oh. Okay. No problem. Just checking. It won’t the same without you, but I understand. Sleep well Alexander, I love you._

He could feel Magnus’ disappointment through the text, in the words on his screen, and he felt his heart break again.

Alec could change it. He could send a text immediately, could say that he had changed his mind, that he was coming _home_ , that he would sleep in Magnus’ arms.

But he didn’t.

_[10.03 PM] Thanks. Sweet dreams. I love you too._

With another tired sigh, Alec went back into his work mind still miles away.

In a loft in Brooklyn, with the man he longed to be with

 

~~~••~~~

A tall, black-haired woman smiled as she walked past a tall, dark-haired man with blue eyes.

“So, Warlock, do you know what you have to do?”

The warlock nodded, dazed, and said “Yes. I do.”

Lilith smiled, coming face to face with the warlock, “See, I could have chosen anybody, Nathaniel, but you’re from Edom and you’re very powerful, and that’s why I need you for this particular mission.”

She smirked then, before continuing. “See, I need to distract a very powerful Downworlder to prevent him from finding the truth. I know that he hesitated to give me the potion.  It’s only a matter of time before Magnus Bane figures out the truth. He’s a smart man. Too smart for his own good.”

She took a small pause before adding, her tone low and threatening. “I won’t let a warlock thwart my perfect plan.”

Lilith raised an eyebrow at the other man.

“That’s why I need you. You need to intervene quickly. I don’t want to lose any precious time. Time that is essential for my mission. 

Nathaniel nodded. A short pause fell between them. Lilith leaned forward. “Tell me how the curse works,” she ordered, voice soft, yet cutting.

“It works similar to the potion that Magnus offered you a few days ago, except that it is much stronger,” Nathaniel explained. “It doesn’t turn off someone’s feelings right away. It’s more complicated than that. The curse is _‘Omnis Memoria Erado.’_ It erases memories of a loved one. It’s a powerful curse, usually used to break lovers apart.”

The corners of Lilith’s mouth turned up slightly in satisfaction.  

“That is perfect. You know what you have to do. Now go do your job, warlock, and do not disappoint me.”

He nodded and walked away.

Lilith smiled to herself. Everything was going according to plan.

With Magnus Bane distracted and out of the picture, too busy trying to fix his love life, he would not make the connection between Jace Herondale and herself. She would have to erase the love and any ties Magnus Bane had to Alec Lightwood.

And now thanks to the warlock curse, she would.

She's only one step away from bringing her dear Jonathan back.

~~~••~~~

In retrospect, trying to ignore the fact that he was scared, and pretending that he was fine in front of Magnus and everyone else, wasn’t the smartest idea Alec Lightwood could have had.

Especially when something could come up and bite him in the ass.

_It did. Literally._

It happened during one of their missions. Things were still tense between the two of them, but then Magnus and he always put their personal and professional life aside, so they could do this.

Piece of cake.

That’s how Alec found himself walking into a back alley in the streets of Manhattan in the search of a warlock who had lost his mind and control of his powers.

Since it was _probably_ one of his people, Magnus insisted on and reasoning with the warlock, whoever he was.

Alec and Magnus decided to split up to cover more area and he was silently walking in a dark alley with his bow at the ready.

He suddenly heard a noise coming from his right and turned to come face to face with a tall, blue eyed man with raven hair

His warlock mark wasn’t glamoured, as big scales were clearly visible around his neck.

Nathaniel looked at him and smiled a wicked smile.

"Alec Lightwood, Head of the New-York Institute, one of the two people I was hoping to see."

Alec kept his composure as the warlock was still smiling darkly at him, his eyes turned a darker shade.

The Nephilim then said calmly, “Look, I'm not here to hurt you but you should come with me. We know somebody that could help you."

"Yeah. _I know_. Magnus Bane, right? We're aware of his little ‘involvement’ with you, a Shadowhunter no less,” he continued slowly. "Unfortunately for you, not everyone is happy with your little affair, so I'm here to put an end to this."

The warlock raised his hands to fire at Alec, who raised his bow ready to shoot, but the warlock was quicker, and fired first.

Before it could hit his target, the fireball was deflected by a blue light, just in time for Alec to duck and dodge the fireball that was coming towards him.

Magnus appeared in all his glory and smirked at Alec who was lying on the ground. 

"Need a hand?"

Alec stands up.

"Thanks, but I totally got this."

"Yeah because lying on the ground is the synonym of _fine,_ besides, I can’t actually let you get all the praises for this, can I?" He couldn’t help but tease his boyfriend, and the other man rolled his eyes with an amused smile. 

"When you two lovebirds are done _flirting._ I still have a mission to achieve."

Both men turned their heads to stare back at the warlock who was still smiling... that  evil and sick smile.

"You're not from New York... you're from _Edom_ ," realized Magnus, horrified.

"What?" whispered Alec next to him.

"Ding. Ding. Ding" smirked the other Downworlder, "Jackpot. Jackpot. Jackpot! Ten points for figuring this out _so quickly_. She knew that you were _smart ..._ and powerful. That's why she wants you out of her way."

"Who's she?’" asked Magnus, narrowing his eyes.

Instead of answering, the warlock waved his hands, and Magnus found himself with grey handcuffs around his wrists. Magnus tried to uncuff himself, but not matter how hard he tried, he couldn't use his magic ... the handcuffs seemed to drown all of his powers.

Alec raised his bow, ready to shoot. If the other man turned out to be dangerous for them, the Nephilim would have no other choice than to break the accords and shoot him.

“Please. We don’t want to hurt you. Just uncuff him and we can find a way to help you.”

The warlock only shrugged again, amused by the situation. “Sorry but I have orders, and my boss will be _very_ pissed off if I don’t do my job.”

Alec scowled and shot multiple arrows at the other man who deflected them easily.

However, before any of them could react, the other Downworlder attacked them, shooting them with an intense purple light. Alec, out of pure instinct, jumped in front of Magnus.

Alec felt a horrible pain on his arm and saw it turning all purple before-

-everything went black.

~~~••~~~

Lilith was furious.

“You should have cursed _both_ of them, not only Alec!”

“I tried, but then Alec  literally _threw_ himself in front of Magnus to protect him,” the other man said trembling with fear.

Lilith glared at him, but he continued, “Magnus was furious. It’s not for nothing that he is Asmodeus son. Like you said he’s very powerful, even more when he’s furious. So, in spite of anger he succeeded in freeing himself from the handcuffs I’d put on him and then he attacked me.”

“Not only you told them about _me_ , but you also didn't curse them _both_.” the mother of all demons snapped

“I’m sorry-”

Lilith raised her hand, “Stop apologizing for your incompetence and let’s hope that your curse will be enough to distract them until I achieve my plan.”

The warlock nodded.

“Now go back to Edom. If Magnus Bane or any of the Shadowhunters finds you, all they need to do is kill you, and the curse will stop.”

A portal for Edom opened behind them, and the Downworlder walked past her before he stepped a foot into the portal, and just like that, he was gone.

 

~~~••~~~

_Alec smiled as he and Magnus left the Palace Hotel in Tokyo. Alec was taken aback by the view. They took the time after their dinner to stop in the middle of a small, wooden bridge to enjoy an incomparable panorama of the city. Tokyo by night seemed almost magical._

_Magnus, who was standing next to him, looked at him and asked softly._

_“Is Everything okay, Alexander?”_

_Alec smiled._

_“Everything is fine. Tonight, was perfect, thank you.”_

_Magnus smiled in turn._

_“The pleasure was all mine, Alexander.”_

_Alec leaned towards Magnus and kissed him. Magnus put his arms around his boyfriend’s waist to bring him closer._

_They kissed for a while until a laugh, coming a few meters away, pierced their little bubble. Alec pulled away and turned his head towards the sound and saw a couple of mundane teenagers getting out of a blue photo booth._

_A girl who was probably 17-year old smiled, as she and her boyfriend admired their set of pictures, before her boyfriend took her hand and they walked away smiling._

_Alec turned to Magnus and blushed when he saw that the warlock was staring at him with a smile._

_The Nephilim took his boyfriend’s hand pointed at the photo booth. “I really want us to keep a memory from tonight. Can we go in there and take a set of pictures? Izzy told me that it's a very popular thing that a lot of mundane couples do.”_

_Magnus seemed sad for a minute and half, though, it could have been a shot in the night, because at the next moment he nodded with a smile. "Yeah, of course darling."_

_Alec kissed him on the forehead and then he practically dragged the High Warlock of Brooklyn towards the small, blue photo-booth but-_

_-he stopped suddenly when he saw everything around him disappear._

_Alec frowned and turned to look at his boyfriend confused, “Magnus are you-”_

_He stopped mid-sentence when he realized that his boyfriend had vanished too._

_And Alec was suddenly left all alone in a very dark and cold place that didn’t hold any love, hope or light._

_\--_

Alec woke up abruptly in Magnus’ living room.

Taking a few minutes to take in his surroundings, he tried to stand up, but a soft hand stopped him in the process.

"Alexander, calm down, you're safe," said softly a voice next to him.

His boyfriend’s worried face appeared in front of him.

"Magnus? What happened?" Alec asked with a frown as he sat up.

Magnus took a seat next to him and sighed. "You don't remember? After the warlock hit you with his power, I succeeded in uncuffing myself and attacked him right away, but before I could shoot him again, he disappeared into a portal."

Alec nodded, processing the information. He was also aware that he’d had a weird dream, but he couldn’t seem to put a finger on what he had dreamed _about_.

Magnus cut off his train of thought when he said in worried tone, “Whatever this warlock did to you wasn't physical, but he clearly did _something_. I still can’t figure out what, though."

The warlock softly put his hand on the younger man’s face. "Darling, are you okay?”

Alec nodded. “Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe what he did to me didn’t work properly.”

“I hope so,” concedes his boyfriend, “-because he seems to be a very powerful warlock, and whatever he could have done to you... well it can’t have been good.”

Alec only smiled fondly at him and then he leaned in to hug his boyfriend who hugged him back letting out a sigh of relief, 

Since their fight, they were on edge. So to have this small moment of truce was truly a blessing.

Alec still hugging the warlock said softly. “Magnus “I’m sorry-”

“Alexander-” started the warlock only to be cut off by the other man.

“No.” Alec pulled away to stare at him and added. “I was wrong. I said things that I shouldn't have.”

Magnus smiled at him.

“I’m sorry as well. I said some harsh things that I didn’t meant either.

Alec nodded with a smile.

Now that the tension between them was gone, maybe everything could turn out great again, in the end.

 

~~~••~~~

It didn’t turn out great.

_At all._

Indeed, Alec seemed to lose some memories of their time passed together.

They realized it the next morning when Alec woke up to join his boyfriend who was preparing breakfast.

Well, more _conjuring_ breakfast than making it, but still.

Alec shook his head fondly as he encircled Magnus’ waist with his arms, giving him a peck on the neck in lieu of greeting.

"You’re conjuring Belgian waffles, aren’t you?”

"Of course, I am! Have you _met_ me?" smirked Magnus, as he turned around to greet him with a kiss.

"You know, I could actually _make_ some French toast for us, myself," proposed the head of New York Institute once they pulled away.

"No need, Alexander," declined his boyfriend gently with his eyebrows raised, "I got this under control."

"Oh. Well if you say so. It was just a suggestion."

Magnus nodded and dragged his boyfriend towards a kitchen table already dressed with food.

"We both agreed to take turns at this, today is mine. So, let me take care of it.”

Magnus turned his back to his boyfriend who shook his head with a fond smile. He took a sip of his coffee and let out a sigh of contentment.

Magnus was still using his powers to conjure another plate of waffles, when something put on the fridge caught Alec attention.

Alec gets up and took a set of pictures with some Japanese lettering on the bottom.

The archer took a minute to stare at their smiling faces before he raised his head with a smile.

"Hey, when were these pictures taken? They’re nice!"

Magnus turned around to look at the set of pictures they took in a photo booth in Tokyo.

"Alec, we took them to one of our first dates in Tokyo. You're the one who insisted we get into the photo booth after our walk." Seeing the other man’s confused look, the warlock frowned. "Wait, you don't remember?"

Alec frowned, trying to search his memories, but came up with nothing.

"I'm-I don't remember that we've ever gone to Tokyo."

Magnus’ blood went cold as a deafening silence fell between them at his boyfriend revelation.

~~~••~~~

Everything went downhill after that.

When they were together and only then, Alec seemed to lose fragments of his memories.

It started slowly at first, there were some memories he can’t have access to.

The first memory that vanished was when they have a dinner at the Palace hotel in Tokyo, along with the photo booth session that happened in the same night.

The second one was when Alec and Magnus came back from Tokyo, Alec forgot the fact that he was _the one_ whom offered the Omamori to Magnus, as a good luck charm gift.

No matter how hard he tried to remember those events, he couldn't catch them. It was like he was lost into deep water. The more he tried to think about their time passed together, the more he came back empty handed.

Every memory he had of Magnus seemed to fade away. Every day they spent together, every kiss, every fight, every good and bad moment they had shared with each other seemed to be slowly erased.

Magnus tried to find an explanation in all his books but came back with nothing. It was finally Catarina who came with an answer.

_‘Omnis Memoria Erado'_

Apparently, it was a very old, powerful spell that recurred dark magic... really dark, and powerful magic. It was a spell that Magnus had never seen used before. No warlock dared to use it, since it was link to a magic that was too dark for anyone to handle.

A spell created for the purpose to break lovers apart.

That’s why the spell was so dark and twisted because the lover who was hit with the spell was privated of another of their memories when they were near to their significant other.

Until he or she was left nothing to remember.

When every memory was erased, it was like he or she had never met their significant other.

It was like their loved one never existed.

Magnus, who was buried in his book groaned when he heard a soft hesitant knock on his door.

With an eyeroll, he got up and walked towards the black double doors.

"Magnus?" a voice that he knew all too well said loudly, "It's uh- it's me."

Magnus took a deep breath and said in a sad tone. "Alexander, you can't be here."

A small moment of silence ensued before the head of Institute told him in a pained voice. "I know but I can't stand the fact that I can't be near you right now."

Magnus closed his eyes and slid to the ground, his back pressed to the door.

Even if the warlock couldn’t see him, he could feel that his boyfriend was also sitting down on the ground outside, leaning against the same black double door as well.

"I also hate this situation, Alexander," he took a pause before he continued with difficulty."-but we have no other choice. Every time we are together-"

"- another of our memories of our time together is taken from me, _I know._ " finished the other man for him as the other side of the door.

A moment of silence fell between them before Alec added softly, "Nothing has changed you know. I still love you as much as a did a few months ago."

"I love you too."

They were two lost souls right now, two lost lovers who were craving each other’s presence and who painfully realized that it was a desire they couldn't fulfill.

"By the Angel, I wish that I could see you right now," finally confessed the archer after minutes that seemed like hours.

Magnus sighed and forced himself to smile ... _trying_ to convince himself that everything will turn out okay.

The Warlock couldn't smile, though, no matter how hard he tried. His heart was breaking. All he wanted to say was _“I’m scared that I can’t find a reverse spell for this”, “All I want is to have you in my arms”, “I’ve never been this terrified... not since the soul sword accident’._

Magnus felt his heat break into a million tiny pieces. There was an intense, painful ache in his chest that he couldn’t get rid of.

Since Alec and he were forced to stay away from each other, it was like Magnus could barely keep his head straight.

He wanted to say all of this, describe all the pain he felt, how terrified he was... but he didn’t.

Instead he said, "I’m smiling,"

"I smiling too." said Alec in the same soft tone.

Only a door and a wall were separating them but _yet_ somehow, they never had been so far away from each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Also ignore the show canon because I wrote all of that before watching 3*06 which is a proof of all the process I went through to wrote this. 
> 
>  
> 
> [I'm Also on Tumblr](https://holding-up-the-universe.tumblr.com/post/174834279716/zuzusexytiems-possiblestoner)


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